To be completely honest, I have only seen one episode of "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy."

But that's all it takes for any viewer to get endeared to the Fab Five protagonists of the hit cable TV show that aims to give the average Joe that much needed makeover. Kyan Douglas, the grooming guru, and Thom Filicia, the design doctor, were in town exactly a week ago to deliver the gospel according to the Fab Two, a partnership between Ayala Land Inc. and Stores Specialists, Inc., both purveyors of style, straight and gay.

We met and chatted over foie gras and sea bass at Makati Shangri-La's Red for lunch right before their scheduled press conference. They were rushing between interviews with Daphne Osena for F and our lunch appointment. Now this wasn't the queer eye that you'd expect-all flashy and brimming with witticisms that would put Will Truman to shame. These were the Queer Eye guys in the morning, sans any cucumber and eye cream before facing any audience. In short, this was their warm up before going to war. I wiretapped the whole conversation so I have full proof of the proceedings.

"Do you guys all get along on the set? Are there any catfights that we don't know about?"
"We actually all do get along. We actually have a lot of fun together. Because of the show, we spend a lot of time with each other-Kyan and I are traveling here, Carson and I drove from Boston last weekend," shares Thom.
"I think its one of the reasons why the show has been so successful-and it's really just been luck in casting. We're all very different but we have respect for each other's differences and we get a lot of support from each other," Kyan further affirms their friendship.

"Any attraction formed between you guys?" I channel my inner Boy Abunda.
"I don't think so. I think when you work that intensely together, you become brothers before you become lovers, you know. And once you become brothers, its like-eeew! So it's a nice brotherhood I would say," winks Thom.

It's no secret that a lot of women are attracted to gay men. Perhaps it's the unattainability that adds to the attraction. Look around you-as Streisand would query, "Baby, can you hear me?" So, do women still hit on you?
With a coy grin, Kyan admits, "Yeah I like that! I get the best of both worlds. I love getting attention from women." And boy, does HE get attention from both worlds. Wherever we went, women (wo-men, too!) were screaming his name. So much for being below the gay-dar.
Thom has his fairy share of the adulation as well. "They do, they actually do-they keep thinking I'm gonna convert. Now that would be a painful operation. But I love it when women do that. Sometimes they take it very strongly, and I tell them that-'You do know the premise of the show, right?'"

Ten years ago, who would have thought that a show about five homosexuals dispensing life changing advice to clueless heterosexual men would become such a hit from Finland to the Philippines? Thom himself couldn't believe the phenomenon. In fact, when they sashayed into the Naia terminal, they saw cameras around the area. They told each other, "There are cameras around-there must be somebody famous here!"

So famous are they that everywhere they went, people elbowed their way to having a photograph with them. "We're like Baywatch in Germany!" said Thom, as partyphiles approached him inside the VIP room at Embassy Super Club. Seeing how the room (and any venue whatsoever-from Embassy Club to Cuisine to Government to the NBC Tent-whew!) worked around them, I asked them if they still encounter homophobia in this day and age?
"Yeah, without a doubt. With the straight guys on the show, not as much. There have been a couple of guys that have been a little stand-offish especially in the beginning. There was this guy who had a motorcycle business-he didn't want Carson to get too close to him," confessed Kyan.

I asked Thom about his coming out story.
"Back in college, I was in a fraternity, and I told my fraternity brothers. The cute fraternity brothers were my best friends. And I told two girls, my other two best friends. And it was like, okay-big secret! And they were like, 'yeah duh, we knew!' So it was no big deal. Cut to two years later, I told my parents in New York City. We were going out to dinner and I told them. And it was a really amazing experience, my parents handled it-I hate to use the word 'handle it,' but after telling them they were really great about it. They were always close to me. I've spent holidays with my boyfriends and my family-different boyfriends-and they've just been always supportive, which is really great. I was really lucky that my parents were just cool with it from the beginning. It was a very difficult thing for me to tell them because even though I knew that my parents were going to be cool with it, it was a personal thing I was dealing with, it was hard, and part of the process of coming out is not just coming out to people but actually coming to terms with your life and your lifestyle," shares Thom.

Shifting from Gore Vidal serious to liver busting hilarious in the snap of a manicured finger, we hit it off quite well that I volunteered to be their unofficial nocturnal navigator around the city, feeling Philippine 'ham-bassador,' taking them from one hot spot to another. If we only had more time, I would have brought them around the islands - but that's another story.
"In the States, I use a lot of stuff that's made in the Philippines and I love it! The aesthetic of it, the craftsmanship is amazing. I'm hoping to come back and actually talk here regarding furniture. I'm definitely coming back-I already told my boyfriend Greg, I called him and said, "We're coming back to the islands-they've got 7,000 of 'em here!" This coming from the design icon himself.

Kyan shares this love for the Philippines with Thom. "My one regret is that we're here long enough only to see how beautiful it is. Hearing from people, and when we flew in, I couldn't believe how beautiful-the sun was coming out, we were flying over the islands-I'm dying to go diving."

It was interesting to hear all these compliments about our country coming from these arbiters of A-list aesthetics, especially since we always think that we constantly need a makeover. It is in the makeover industry that these two men have started carving their niche. But these modern-day Pygmalions have their share of horror stories about their craft. "They're all fun in their own way, although there have been a couple ones that were really disgusting. We did a guy in Staten Island, which is a borough in New York, and he worked for a baseball team. One of his problems was that he needed to have a pedicure. When I took off his shoes, it smelled so bad. I remember Thom had to put out air freshener, because it just smelled like sour milk." Even when he's talking about a sour experience, Kyan still looks as good (the ladies and other gentlemen say even better) in person.

When you guys do a makeover, what's the first thing you look at and what is your process in going through it? I inquire faster than a speeding shopper during Hong Kong sale season.
Thom said, "That the personality of the straight guy is captured, that it speaks about what he is, where he's from, and what he's about-because that's important to me as a person."
For Kyan, "Its a question of whether they are living to their fullest potential, if they look their best, if they feel their best? Are they being self expressed?"

Kyan goes on to say, "It's about feeling good, looking good, being a good person. And so when I approach somebody for a makeover, there were times when I would prefer to cut somebody's hair much shorter or take off the beard altogether. And then I get to know who they are-and if a guy is really attached to his hair, to his beard, he's not very comfortable in his skin if you take them away, then I don't think it's a good idea to force a look on him."

Growing up gay. "I think you have to find a way to help someone be the best they can be, look as good as they can but still respect who they are. Everyone is gonna look differently and that's the beauty of life, that we're all different," said makeover maven Kyan, in celebration of diversity.

I inquired about celebrities' looks that he'd love to play with. "You know, I have to say I don't really have an interest in making over celebrities, because they have money, they have the resources, and the fun in doing the show is working with guys that really don't have a clue-empowering them. They don't know who to turn to, but they're interested-and that's the part that I really like." He goes on to share, "When you grow up gay, even as a little kid, you know you're different. And so you're approach to the world is-I'm this way, and the rest of the world is another way-there's a sense of feeling alienated in some way and I learned that its okay to be gay. Just because they're straight, it doesn't mean we can't share a sense of brotherhood and love."

After my Queer Eye encounter, I realized that I received a makeover of my own. I walked in half expecting cosmocrats in crisp suits exchanging snappy homocabulary. Listening to them, I got straight answers. It wasn't about being gay or being straight-it was about being yourself, only better.

Cheers, queers!