The Turkey Who's All That and a Side of Gravy: Queer Eye fans, take note: Carson really is that loony. Every time I interact with the fashion vixen, my sides ache, a strange and unusual feeling for a couch tater who believes there should be lounge chairs, not treadmills, in front of the TVs at the gym. (Sacrilege!)

You should know, these boys don't need no stinkin' writers. Want proof? The following encounter with Carson (turkey) and Kyan (Mmmm...gravy) took place at an OutKast after-party at a Hollywood Hills mansion (you could fit that piddly O.C. house in its linen closet)--and mind you, it was lightning fast.

On Bravo's Upcoming Straight Eye for the Queer Guy:
Carson: "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, and we are excited to see it. I want to learn about volleyball and baseball and hockey."
Kyan: "But we can't wait for Queer Eye for the Domestic Pet. That's gonna be fantastic."

On the New Season:
Carson: "We have a holiday special on Dec. 16."
Kyan: "We are having an amazing time. We actually revisited four of the guys we made over in the past--sort of a surprise ambush. Some of your favorite characters will reappear."
Carson: "Some have been naughty, some have been nice."

On Carson Versus Steven Cojocaro:
Carson: "We don't look anything alike. We have very different bone structure. He's a little more Mackenzie Phillips, I'm a little more Ellen DeGeneres. I think he's a little extreme. I mean, I'm all about the straight guy. It's not about me, I'm here to help the world."