As the battle over gay marriage rages to reveal America's conflict over homosexuality, the gay guys starring in Bravo's "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" have cause to celebrate.

The TV show where the Fab Five gay men make over (or make better, as they say) a sorry-styled heterosexual guy is a ratings success, proving that America has more than accepted homosexuality to some degree. "We weren't sure how it would go over with families," says the show's culture connoisseur, Jai Rodriquez. "But the public has proved it was ready - and that America was being underestimated."

Huge billboards for the show look down on Times Square, "Queer Eye" has become watercooler conversation, and the boys are now on a promotional tour for their popular new book "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy: The Fab Five's Guide to Looking Better, Cooking Better, Dressing Better, Behaving Better, and Living Better."

There's no doubt about it, gay guys really do have more style. It's sure no mystery in the fashion world, where gays abound with fresh creativity. Gay taste has always been edgy, in everything from fashion to food and furniture, not to mention music and art. Gay talk infiltrates language. Anyone cool knows the "Queer Eye" word tszuj - that means finessing something - your hair, clothes, life - to be more fabulous and fun.

The TV show's success has certainly turned around the word "queer." Remember when the word "queer" was once a derogatory slam, and then became absolutely politically incorrect? I was shocked myself at first that the word was in a TV show title. "We love the word 'queer,'" design expert Thom Filicia tells me. "It means looking at things in a new way, at what works and what doesn't and being open to something new."

The President and First Lady, as well as Calif. Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, have come out in opposition to gay marriage, but polls show that sympathy for such unions has risen over the last few years. Despite religious groups' protests, marriages have been performed in states from coast to coast. "Gayness has been misunderstood by many people," grooming guru Kyan Douglas tells me. "We want to teach that we're just people. People never knew gay guys before, but now there's five gay guys in their living room every night, and they get to see there's not much difference between them and us. It's the way society is moving, from civil rights years ago to women's rights and now gay rights. It's really about acceptance of diversity and seeing how we're all the same deep down. People are equal."

On the show, the team of five sweeps into some straight guy's life to turn him "from drab to fab," redoing his hair (one guy agreed to shave his head, and the group celebrated with a ritual barbequing of his toupee), clothes, food cabinet and home decor. Then, after the miracle is ready, the guys settle into their own living room and watch on a big-screen TV as the guy has his coming-out debut to a gaggle of friends, family or co-workers.

The idea for the show was born when one of the producers (the duo known as "the Daves" consists of a gay and straight guy) watched a woman berate her husband for not looking like the gay men standing across the room in an art gallery. The gay men came over and told her, "You've got great raw materials here. A little pomade, a tuck here - oh, and a nose-hair trim - and you're in business."

Critics can charge that the gay guys are making over straights into images of themselves. But the makeover artists disagree. "We spend a lot of time with the guy beforehand to find out what's right for him," insists Thom. "Some girls accost us in an airport asking us to fix their boyfriend, but we turn them down because they're already in Ferragamos and a cool shirt." So far, all the subjects have seemed pleased, like the DJ who agreed to wear a jacket over his favorite T-shirts. Though I noticed one mother grimace at her son's new look, female partners have all been delighted, like the lawyer's wife who cuddled and cooed in their new cozy bedroom lair.

There's not much talk about sex on the TV show, but you can find some in the book. Jai gives good advice that the No. 1 tip men need to know to be a good sex partner is to "listen" (women love that!). Kyan advises clipping problem hairs in private places. And stylist savant Carson says that personality starts in the crotch region (advising guys to find a belt buckle that says something about you). I approve of the dating advice Jai gives, and it fits with my own advice in "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Dating": On a blind date, be gracious, don't promise to call if you're not going to, and for goodness sake, be gallant and take her coat!

So, what's wrong with straight guys? I asked the boys. "Straight guys haven't been taught about their aesthetic," Kyan says. "Some don't even know how to tie a tie." (One recent Carson tip: Use a tie as a belt). In past columns, I've addressed the issue of how to make lifestyle transformations. The Fab Five are a good example of how support helps. On one segment, I was extremely impressed with Kyan's encouragement of the guest's fear of going bald. As the stylist shaved off his hair to expose a shiny scalp, Kyan was consistently a charming cheerleader. "You look great," he gushed. "You're fabulous." It's you - only better" (the motto of the show). What perfect reinforcement to change. "We're rooting for him," Kyan explains. "We want the guy to blossom."

At the risk of stereotyping, such enthusiasm is a quality gay guys have. Sure, some can be catty, but they can also be astoundingly complimentary. That's one reason women love them. Interestingly - from a psychological point of view - the Svengalis also use tough love. Sometimes, you just have to be insistent to get someone to do what you know is in his or her own best interests, despite their resistance. "We give a guy hell, but it's always in the spirit of fun and being a friend," says Kyan. I can see where guys need that: a combination of toughness with an underlying feeling of being loved.

Confronting stereotypes is crucial when considering homosexuality. So is identifying attitudes and judgments, like what you're threatened by and what you decide is right or wrong.

Last summer, I led a discussion after the Off-Broadway play "Last Sunday in June," about a group of gay friends confronting their relationships, infidelity, and a buddy's announcement that he's marrying a woman. One of my Columbia University Teachers College graduate students, Margaret Laszczak, gave the audience a questionnaire to stimulate the talkback. The results showed that at least seven out of ten people surveyed said relationships for gays and straights were very similar. A third of people rated both relationships extremely similar. Gays suffered more, audience members said, because of society's attitudes - coming to terms with self-identity.

Historically, cultures like ancient Greece honored love between men. Statistics today estimate about 10 percent of the population is gay, and a higher percentage of men have had at least one same-sex experience. The answers to what causes homosexuality - genetics, environment or experience - has not been settled, with some people objecting to the search for a cause, saying it insinuates abnormality.

Society's recognition of gays as a force to be dealt with became obvious when talk-show radio advisor Dr. Laura Schlesinger announced on her show that gays were not normal. The cancellation of plum advertising contracts and the decline of her ratings and popularity proved that gays had mainstream power. (In contrast, gays were always welcome on my similar format, but opposite style, radio call-in advice show, particularly since my co-host, now host of a Dallas radio morning show and the TV show "Change of Heart," was openly gay).

One wonders about the success of the counter-show planned by Comedy Central, that has straight guys making over gays. Will five heavyset heteros teaching gay guys to hoot and holler over football and leave the toilet seat up be as engaging? The gay quintet of "Queer Eye" strikes me as similar to the female foursome on "Sex and the City." A group of friends having a great time, through whom others confront themselves, laugh and feel good.

Are gays and straights the same, as the "Queer Eye" producers and advice experts insist? Sure, bedroom behavior may differ, but strip away all the legal battles, political maneuvers and special-interest group lobbying for a minute, and consider how everybody just wants to look, feel and be their best.